Hi, my name is Deandra and I’m a single 26 year old.
So, why am I talking about dating? I feel like it’s nice to hear different perspectives on different topics. Everyone has their own idea or opinions on dating and relationships, single or not, and I thought that today I’d share mine. You might want to grab your drinks because I have A LOT to say!
Pressure To Date
Just to be clear, I’m single by choice, but I’ll get to that later. First, I want to touch on the pressure to date, get married, etc. Whether you’re feeling the pressure internally because you see everyone else in a relationship or you’re being pressured by friends and family, it has to STOP! Listen, the only clock that’s ticking is the one that you formed into your mind. I get it, if you want kids then you’re trying to jump on it before you get to a certain age, and that could be because of fertility reasons. However, if you feel pressured to have kids right now just because you see everyone on Facebook having kids, that is not the way to go. Your time will come when it’s supposed to come.
A major point to hit on when speaking of feeling pressured to date is pressuring those who don’t want relationships, marriage, or have kids. It’s a wild concept to a lot of people, but believe it or not, it’s a real concept. No one needs your unsolicited opinions, your disapprovals, your wishes for a spouse, etc. If your friend or family member says they rather stay single, all they need is your support if it’s what makes them happy. Don’t get me wrong though, minds can change, but it should never be because of peer pressure.
Why I Chose The Single Life
I chose the single life and it greeted me with open arms.
So, let’s go back to the winter of 2013. I was in my first semester of college and I also ended an almost two-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend(finally). There was no way that I was going to go into two years being as unhappy as I was in a relationship that was as toxic as it was. I believe it was about a few weeks to a month before it was our two-year anniversary when I did it. Let this be a lesson that you do not need to go into another year unhappy, and that goes for other situations as well.
That relationship had drained the life out of me. There were so many times we were on and off and so many times that my energy was just snatched away from me. After I ended that relationship, I had no energy in me to even want to deal with someone else, so I decided that I wouldn’t. Fast forward to about seven years later, and I still feel the exact same way. I know some of you might be thinking that I need someone who’s going to pour into me instead of taking away, and I get that, but I just don’t want to deal with anyone…period. I’m not hoping to find someone and I’m not waiting for someone to find me. If you have Snapchat, then maybe you know about the feature where you can see where your mutuals are located. There’s also a feature that you can use if you don’t want to show up on the map and it’s called ghost mode.
I am on ghost mode.
The question is, will I ever decide to turn off ghost mode? I certainly don’t plan on doing it on Snapchat and I don’t plan on doing it in life either, especially not now. I’m only focused on being a boss ass entrepreneur and living life in a lavish condo with a puppy. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay! It’s what makes me happy and that’s all that matters in life.
Finding A Male Prospect As A Woman
Though I enjoy being single, one thing that I don’t enjoy is when I have those moments of wanting attention, but having absolutely no one to provide it. It can truly be a pain. I don’t have those moments too often as some may assume, but it’s the worst during the holidays. I am not only a human but a woman with occasional needs, and sometimes those needs can be fulfilled for the moment. However, that involves finding someone to fulfill them. You’d think that it would be a little bit easier to find a man who doesn’t want a relationship, especially in your twenties, but it’s the absolute opposite…for me anyways.
The problem isn’t that they’re not out there. The problem is that I can see why they’re single from the moment I talk to them. It’s like there’s a whole university out there telling guys what they SHOULDN’T be doing and they’re just out here with their Bachelors in BS. I’ve talked to a few guys these past few years and my conclusion is that any needs that require fulfillment can be done so through a puppy, friends, or by myself.
Single During A Pandemic
Lastly, I thought I’d hit on being single during this pandemic. I think that a lot of people who are single like myself have been wishing they had someone with them to get through this pandemic, especially if they live alone. Personally, I haven’t had many of those thoughts, but I also keep myself very occupied working on this empire I’m building that I don’t even give those thoughts the time or space to show up. Dating is hard already, but during a pandemic, it’s a thousand times harder. For those trying to date during this time, my heart goes out to you because I know a lot of you are relying on dating apps more than ever right now.
For me, using dating apps is like a reverse Nike ad…just don’t do it. This is just my personal take on it. They work perfectly fine for a lot of people, however, the only thing they do for me is bring the need for a very strong shot (and I hate shots). My time during this pandemic has instead been used trying to glow up within my business and this year, I plan on focusing more on myself…inside and out. Whether you’re single and looking, single and not ready to mingle, or happily taken, I highly suggest doing the same.
All in all, my final thoughts are that being single is okay, stop pressuring people in what your ideals are, dating is hard as hell, and you should work on glowing up and expanding regardless of your relationship status.
Is there anything I said that resonated with you? Anything you disagreed with? Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s talk!