The answer is yes. The end.
But seriously, there are people in the world that think insecurity is just a figment of the imagination. In some instances they’re right…but it’s a lot more than that. Let’s look more into the word “Insecure”.
in·se·cure /ˌinsəˈkyo͝or/ (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious (Google).
I think it’s safe to say that at least once in their life someone begins to feel a little insecure about something. Even the most confident person feels insecure at some point. Hell, even your favorite celebrity has had a point where they may have felt insecure. Where does this insecurity stem from? Psychologytoday.com states that insecurity is based on rejection or failure, lack of confidence based on social anxiety, and insecurity driven by perfectionism.
I believe all of this is 100% true. Now that we have an idea of where it comes from, let’s break those down as well, Starting with rejection or failure. Have you ever felt so confident about something? I mean you were so sure about it but then it didn’t happen the way you thought it would? This could apply to anything. It could be asking someone out, a job interview, or taking a test at school. In your mind you’re thinking “I got this!” But the results turned out differently. This could cause you to feel a little down. For some it may just be a down moment for a second, but for others it really hits you. Especially if you’re trying to achieve something you’re passionate about. Failing can cause you to think “Maybe I’m not as good as I thought.” I’ve been there. In middle school I was in chorus and up until 8th grade I was the loudest singer. Then, we had two new people join and they were loud enough by themselves let alone together. They say behind me and I began to feel myself drowning in their beautiful voices that filled the room. I was no longer the loudest or the best. I felt that I failed at my craft. At what I loved the most.
You have to come to realize that we all fail or get rejected at some point in our lives, but it doesn’t mean that you’re not good at what you do, or that you’ll never accomplish anything, or that you’ll be single for the rest of your life. Take that failure and make it your mission to become bigger and better.
Next, let’s tackle social anxiety. This is a BIG one for me! I am extremely insecure when it comes to being around others and I’m not afraid to admit that. You shouldn’t be either. This is a cold world. People will talk about you just for being you, so it’s understandable not wanting to throw yourself out there in the limelight. What if they’re talking about you? What if they’re laughing at you? Hear me out for a second. What if they’re not? What if everything you’re thinking is all in your head? These thoughts I personally struggle with. I can’t walk by a group of people without instantly worrying that they’ll start laughing at me. In my mind it could be because of my size or maybe a factor I’m not aware of. This is because I’ve been bullied plenty of times for being bigger.
Whatever your reason is for having this social anxiety, it’s important to remember to stay out of your head. More than likely people are just minding their own business just as you are and if they are talking about you then they’re just complete assholes with nothing to do. Why worry about it? If they’re not going to say it to your face then let them talk. It’s not going to make them any better. Don’t be afraid to step out and take on new challenges day by day. Get out of your comfort zone. Lift up your head. Walk with pride. And know you’re a bomb ass individual no matter what social setting you’re in.
Lastly, we get into the topic of perfectionism. One of the biggest ones for one. With social media being big right now, it’s easy to think everyone is perfect. You see people show off their perfect bodies, perfect relationships, perfect lives. They are all so perfect. WRONG. They’re not perfect one bit, in fact they’re imperfect just like you. And yes, even the celebrities. Even Beyoncé isn’t perfect. QUEEN B!? Yup, even queen B. But when you see all this “perfectionism” all around it makes you see how…less perfect…you really are. You’re blinded by the fakeness of reality. What does this mean? This means that you’re blinded by what’s not real.
Perfectionism doesn’t just come from social media but your own family as well. Family members have high expectations and can be more harsh than any troll on social media. Them being your family, you want to please them. So what do you do? You strive to be perfect. Working your butt off and driving yourself crazy only to realize you’ll never be perfect, but now you’re unhappy. Ok, so take away the social media and the criticism from family members. Now all you have is yourself. The other hard critique. You work so hard to be perfect at whatever you do that if you’re not perfect at it then you become insecure. Your mind tells you “I have to be better” “I have to look better” “I have to do better”. This is a good mindset to have, but when you begin to push yourself too hard, when you strive for perfection, then that’s a problem. And it’s a problem because nothing is perfect. NO ONE IS PERFECT. And that’s ok. We weren’t made to be perfect. The answer to this post isn’t that insecurity isn’t real, but that perfectionism isn’t. Realizing this won’t just take away your insecurity, but it’ll help you let go a little bit and to stop comparing.
Something not discussed is the spread of insecurity. Maybe none of these factors cause you to be insecure. Maybe you’re the most confident person in the room…until someone makes a remark. Maybe that one remark is all you needed to second guess yourself. Insecure people cause insecure people.
Don’t let those people drag you down with them. They’re fighting their own insecure battles that they have to figure out how to win.
Insecurity is very real, but it’s real because of the imaginary thoughts in our head. Don’t let those thoughts control you, because once you do, once you let them live in your brain, it’ll be hard to get rid of them. Give them their eviction notice.
Can you think about when you felt insecure? What advice would you have about someone dealing with insecurity?