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Graduation Was My Happiest And Saddest Moment

I was on Snapchat yesterday, and if you’re familiar with it then you know they have a flashback feature where they show you snaps from the past that you have saved. It’s basically like the memories on Facebook. I decided to look at my flashbacks, and I had stories from when I graduated from college two years ago. TWO YEARS. I know that’s not a super long time ago, but still. It seems like time is just going by so fast! I was going to do a completely different post today, but seeing that photo in my memories and thinking about how this is not exactly a time graduates thought it would be, I figured this would be a perfect post to make! So, keep reading to find out why my college graduation was my happiest and saddest moment.

I went across the finish line…

It’s no question why graduation was a happy moment for me. Why is it a happy moment for anyone? You’ve worked so hard in your courses. Your body is probably made up of energy drinks and coffee at this point. You’ve worked your ass off on your projects, exams, etc. You’ve done everything you’ve needed to do and now it’s all paying off. The end is here and you’re a name call away from winning the race called college. That’s how I felt. I felt like I was finally here! I’ve been through hell and back with college. College is what really sparked my anxiety and I was ready to just breathe finally! I was ready to walk forward and never look back. It was my time. I had finished the race. I won.

…But the race wasn’t over.

Technically I finished the race, but the race wasn’t over for me. For some, the race wasn’t over in terms of having plans of going to graduate school and beyond, but for me, it was a different story. I was walking into this huge area with a bunch of people cheering and clapping for the graduates of 2018, yet I couldn’t fully embrace the moment. On the outside, I was so happy, but on the inside in the back of my mind, I couldn’t get over how I wasn’t officially done. I went through everything I needed to do and took all the courses and the exit exam, yet I wasn’t done. It was all because I still had a battle with classes that I’ve been at war with for two semesters, and although I was able to walk, I had to come back and battle for one more semester.

I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I felt like a failure and like I didn’t even deserve to walk. I know it’s not the end of the world and that I wasn’t the only one, but this is just how it felt for me. I just wanted to be done. No one knew I had to retake classes because I chose to keep it to myself. I just remember just wanting to cry, but it wasn’t even tears of joy. It was tears of distraught. Later through the commencement, I was able to keep the thoughts to the back for a bit, but of course that’s not where they wanted to stay. Graduating from college was just not the joyous experience that I waited for all this time and still to this day, I wish I could have a redo.

A note to graduates

My graduation wasn’t the joyous occasion I wanted it to be, and I know right now it’s not what you expected either. Instead of walking across a stage, maybe you’re watching your name going across a screen on your TV at home. Things happen, life comes in the way, but that doesn’t mean it was all for nothing. Be joyous! This is your time regardless no matter what. Whether you’re in the situation I was in, or your commencement was ruined by Covid, it doesn’t mean your work was in vain. You did it class of 2020 and you should be proud!

What’s your story? Did your graduation not end up being the experience you waited for? I’d love to hear about it!

Comments

  1. I’m so sorry your graduation wasn’t all it was meant to be. Well done on graduating nonetheless, angel! I haven’t heard any news about mine yet really 🙁 x

    • Thank you love, but I’m grateful to at least have gotten to experience it. I’m so sorry that you and all the other graduates have to go through this. I hope you hear something soon love. I’m proud of you for making it to the end either way! ♥

  2. I just didn’t go to my college grad lol i feel bad, cause this is like something my friend is facing. except her problem is she feels she is taking forever, but she is literally busy 24/7. i don’t understand how some people have 5 classes in a semester… i could not do that during my college years (my 2 years at that LMFAO)

    I guess my happy and sad grad moment was my high school graduation.
    It was sad bc noone came for me. I mean, yes i had my small family, but most of my friends had their WHOLE fam.
    and for mexicans, family is like everything so if your whole fam wasn’t there, you were kinda like the broke, poor, sad kid.

    that day, I was getting ready with my friend. my brother asked his friend to borrow his motorcycle so he can take me to my grad looking all cool. i was literally the first one there, and thank goodness because on a bike… i would have been stuck in traffic.

    when they called my name i could hear my oldest brother and his friends calling for me and yelling and cheering very distincly, they tried their hardest to make me feel like i existed.
    when we all walked out, everyone had their family there except for me. just my brothers and his friends…
    but then i saw my mom.. her face was dirty and she was sweaty since she worked at a factory. i knew she did her best to come to my graduation…
    then my brother wanted me to be happy and seem cool. he said lets go home, and he took me on his friends motorcycle. I’m so grateful for that moment bc all my life i felt lonely, so its just a happy reminder to know my small family TRIED to show up for me.
    aghh girl, you gave me some teary eyes rn… why am i so emo… its covid i swear LOL

    • lol listen, a week ago I was super teary eyed myself. I’m pretty sure it’s covid lmao. But I’m sorry to hear you didn’t have the best high school graduation experience. It is really sweet your brother wanted to make you felt as special as possible and I’m glad to hear your mom still was able to make it. I know she was super proud of you! Even though everyone couldn’t come, it’s good to know that your family loves you and cares enough to try. Sometimes that’s all that matters ♥

  3. I’m sorry to hear your graduation wasn’t just a happy moment for you, but congratulations on graduationg though!
    I went to high school and sixth form (which is a bit like college in the UK but done at a high school) but I didn’t go to university. I don’t think I regret it because I didn’t know what I wanted to study so I’m glad I didn’t spend all that money, but sometimes I feel I might have a better paid job if I had a degree in something!! xx

    Holly | http://www.gollymissholly.uk

    • Thank you love! And trust me, there are plenty of people with a degree who thought they’d be getting better paid jobs. You did the right thing because I wish I waited. I would’ve went eventually, but if U would’ve at least waited a semester or something, then I would’ve given myself more time. I had no clue what I wanted to do besides help people. I went in a nursing major and came out an unhappy psychology major with a degree I didn’t even have plans on using anymore and tons of debt lol.

  4. Great post, though I’m sorry that your graduation was surrounded by iffy feelings. You totally deserved to feel amazing with all of your hard work and accomplishments, but I totally understand what it’s like to think, “it shouldn’t be like this.” Though mine went fairly easy and breezy three years ago (which, yes, is totally crazy!), there were the stressful moments of “oh man, am I ready for what comes next?”‘ Thanks for sharing!

    • I can understand those feelings too. I definitely wasn’t ready for what’s next either. It’s so crazy how time flies! Thanks for reading and commenting ♥

  5. Damn Thats crazy. I graduated in 2019 with my associates degree and it was awesome.

    When my name was called, I danced on the stage and shook the school president’s hand.

    Good times. Hopefully you forged memories with everyone and continue to strive for greatness!!!

    • lol I can imagine, because that’s how some people were at my graduation too. I can say that I did get to share the moment with people I became cool with and worked with so I’m to at least have that experience. Hoping you continue to strive for greatness as well!

  6. My high school graduation was hot. We were cramped in some Presbyterian church in Roswell for 3-4 hours. I was irritated by the heat and impatient. My college graduation was okay but the announcer butchered my name. But my grad school graduation was great. I was so happy because I achieved so much within those 10 months. And the announcer said my name properly!

    • The true result of third times the charm lol! Congrats on getting through grad school! After all that, if they would’ve said my name wrong, we would’ve had to do it again lol. Thanks for reading and commenting ♥

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