Dear diary,

I just turned thirty and now I’m wondering…now what? They say you just suddenly feel this transformation, but I’m wondering at what point does that happen? You know how the saying goes “thirty, flirty, and thriving”, however, I’m flirty but not feeling it too much and I’m definitely not at the point of thriving in this moment in time. So basically…I’m just thirty.

Honestly, I’m going to have to cope with the fact of being thirty. It’s not because I feel this dread or feel old or anything, because I don’t feel that (minus the dislike and depression of being an adult that I’ve had since 18), but because of how society automatically looks at me now. I’ll now immediately have others’ expectations thrown at me the moment they know my age. It doesn’t mean I’m letting it get to me, but it is very annoying.

I don’t have a single thing together and if I lived alone, I wonder how long I’d make it honestly. I’m not the adult that kids can run to because I will be running to an adult myself! That said, even once I do get into my adult bag (whenever that will be), I will still be the same girl who prefers to joke, cries because of child nostalgia, likes to have fun, and is very confused at least 80% of the time.