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Diary Entry #59: My Journey With Finding Myself Again

Dear diary,

This year I made it necessary to go on a journey of finding myself again. There are habits that have unfortunately formed thanks to the pandemic that I now have to work on ending. There are also habits/issues that I was able to keep hidden or under control but are now out of control, again, thanks to the pandemic. Those are habits that need to be talked through, figured out, and worked with rather than just completely ended. I’m also missing doing normal things like hanging with my friends or grocery shopping maskless (granted I don’t trust the air still so that one will have to wait a little longer). There’s a long list of things needed to be done when finding myself again and it’s honestly been a little overwhelming with where to begin.

So, how have I been doing so far? Terrible. The answer is simply terrible because that would mean I’d have to fight through the habits that need fixing, which is much harder to do. The thing that annoys me while trying to find myself again is the fact that how much easier it is to form bad/harmful habits or lose yourself than to get out of those habits. It’s a lot of work! However, the year is still very young and I’m not tired of fighting yet, which means the fight continues. I hope that I’ll be able to come back and say that I’ve made progress because it’s important for me, not even to go back to being who I was before the pandemic, but to being someone who’s much happier and even better than before.

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