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Diary Entry #36: A Difficult Journey

Dear Diary,

I reached a new milestone this week by celebrating my blog anniversary and I’m so excited and proud of myself for making it this far with my blog. However, there’s something that will always be in the back of my mind that has been and will always be a hinderence to my life if I don’t find a way to fix it…my food addiction.

*trigger warning: food, addiction*

All my life I’ve struggled with eating and have not had the healthiest relationship with food. Eating food and in excessive amounts has been a coping mechanism that has turned into a full blown addiction. Fast forward to now, not only am I more miserable than ever before being at the weight I am, but I’m beginning to worry about different health concerns that could come up. Despite all of this, because it’s an addiction, I always go to the food that are aiding in these concerns.

I have had many moments of trying to get on a healthy track where I did good for a few weeks and even a month, but I always ended up falling off. Up until recently, I used to think that it was because of a lack of willpower, but it’s not that at all. So, I’m at a point where I did something I haven’t done before…at least not where it wasn’t a subliminal message on social media in hopes someone would read it and help me. I asked my friend if she could help me. I understand everyone is busy with their own lives, but to just go grocery shopping with me maybe could help. She’s always been into fitness/health and went to school for dietetics, so I know she could be of some help in that department.

In the end, I know that I will have to talk to a professional because I’m not sure if I can conquer this addiction alone that I’ve had all my life and I hope one day I can afford to get the help I need. What I do know is that I have a life to live and goals I want/need to see myself hit. This journey is going to be so hard as it’s always been, if not harder. I’m trying to fight an addiction. People see the word food and might not take it as seriously as alcohol or drugs, but food can become a drug too. I just hope to receive understanding and patience from others around me but most importantly…from myself.

Comments

  1. Iam do glad you found the courage to address this issue. It is something that so many of us deal with. I can’t wait to to hear your testimony. You are more than a conqueror and although it’s hard, I see you getting the help you need!

    • Thank you so much! It was scary to share, but knowing I’m not alone and letting others see that they’re not alone makes it worth sharing. Thank you for all of your support ♥♥♥

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