Self-Doubt /ˈˌself ˈdout/ Lack of confidence in one’s self and one’s abilities.
I haven’t looked up the statistics, but I know that there’s a lot of people out there in the world who deal with self-doubt at some point in their life. I know in the creator world I’ve seen writers, bloggers, vloggers, etc really doubt themselves in their work and what they’re able to do. I can’t speak for others, but I know I can speak for myself when I say that I’m always having some form of self doubt in my mind. It’s not only hindering but also crippling as well.
About 2 weeks ago now, I applied for a job working at a movie theatre. Prior to this, I haven’t done the best at job searching. I made a blog post about the struggles of job searching that you can read here. Anyways, my anxiety about working combined with self doubt forced me to not look as hard as I should’ve for a job. Yes, it takes a lot of time and determination to begin with (especially if you’ve never worked before), but it takes even longer when you don’t put your all into it. Well, my friend was a manager at the movie theatre and she managed to help me out a bit. Normally finding out about a job opportunity would raise my anxiety through the roof at just the thought of being a disappointment, but surprisingly it didn’t. To make the story short, I applied, went through both the phone and in person interview, and last Friday morning I received an email basically letting me know I have the job.
This is the part where the self doubt is going to slowly start creeping in.
That morning I was so excited that I literally cried. I never had the feeling of even coming close to getting a job I’ve applied for and here I am receiving an email with 6 packets of information to go through and a time and date to go do my paperwork. Soon, I’ll be a woman in the workforce for the very first time. I was doing pretty good, the high hasn’t left yet, but that Saturday night something changed a little bit. I was doing my online paperwork (you know for your taxes and everything…all that fun stuff) and I slowly felt a shift inside. Self-doubt. It was creeping in. What if I’m not made for this? I’m so clumsy and forgetful, what if I get fired on the first week because I messed up too much? Soon like dominoes, my self doubt began to trigger my anxiety. I was on the phone with my mom so it wasn’t that bad, but I did what I do best…made a joke about the truth.
I’m not making this post as a way of giving tips on how to get rid of self doubt. That would mean that in a day I just somehow cleared those thoughts out when I think we all know that’s impossible. But, I’m more so not letting those thoughts control me to my best ability. Just like the quote says above, my self doubt doesn’t define me. It doesn’t define you either. I may think I’m going to be absolute trash when it comes to working, but that doesn’t mean I will be. That doesn’t mean that I should just quit now before I even start the job, because if I do then not only am I missing out on money and working experience, but a chance to see what I’m made of. Maybe with time I will be able to get this working down pact. Maybe I can manage my time between school, a blog, and now a job(with help from Jesus and coffee….gotta love Jesus and coffee). The same goes for you as well. Don’t let your self doubt hinder you from finding out what you’re made of. I made a post one day about doing what you love and loving what you do. Your self doubt alone can cause you to do the complete opposite of that. I’m not saying working at the movies is a dream job of mine, but it’s a start to helping get me on my feet. But some of you are so filled with self doubt like myself that you may have had so many opportunities to take on something you’ve always felt in your heart you wanted to but let them all pass by. Maybe you’ve even been doing something for so long that you’re even questioning whether you’re good at it anymore.
Going into this job, I’m going to try my best to not let my self doubt control me. Will I be anxious and nervous? Of course. This is my first time working, it’s normal. But one thing I have to remember is to put that rock of self doubt down, and I want you all to remember that as well. And take a look back at this post if need be, I know I will.