Dear diary,

I’m not sure what happened, but this season feels like it’s flashing right before my eyes. If anyone knows me, then they know that I love Christmas without a doubt. I am the one who would have the Christmas tree up on November 1st and Christmas music blasting through the walls. I even love watching the Christmas In July movies every year! Despite partaking in my usual Christmas rituals, it’s beginning to…not…feel a lot like Christmas.

It’s kind of crazy to me, because I’ve immersed myself in all the holiday movies every channel is playing (going back and forth feels like a tennis match with the television). As someone who works in retail, I hear Christmas music all day, yet I still listen to it on the radio on the way to work and back home. I’m doing everything I love, yet it just doesn’t feel 100% like the holidays. Time feels like it’s just going by, trying to rush us all out of here.

Not only that, there’s so much going on with the world and so many uncertainties that it’s a little hard to ignore sometimes. The crazy thing about being an adult is that, if something doesn’t affect you directly, you could choose to pretend it doesn’t exist. However, no matter how hard you try to act as if it’s not happening, you’re too aware, and you’re still affected, whether you like it or not. The same happens when you are affected directly, except it’s even harder to try and pretend it doesn’t exist.

So many elements combined have me questioning…where are you Christmas? I understand Cindy Lou as she sings out, trying to find the Christmas she once knew. Instead of turning into the Grinch, I choose to do my best to keep some form of Christmas spirit, despite it working its hardest to pass by.