We have been in quarantine for about six months, if I’m not mistaken, and I’ve probably watched more Youtube videos in a week than people watch in a month. I noticed a slight trend in some of those videos whenever there’s a woman Youtuber talking about clothes in her video…her quarantine weight. I always hear “I got it in this size because I gained a little weight during quarantine.” It made me think a bit about weight and my struggles with it.
But, that’s not the only thing that made me think. I’ve always struggled with my weight, as many women have, and I’ve been trying yet again to work on losing it. Sad to say, I am also failing yet again. I wanted to be honest with you guys and give my own personal reasons for why I fail at losing weight.
1. My relationship with food.
I have a terrible relationship with food. I will never say I have an eating disorder unless diagnosed, but I do have a bad relationship with it. I’ve been eating fast food and sweets ever since I was young. My problem as an adult mostly binging, cooking proper portions, and figuring out what exactly is good to eat and what is just health food in disguise. Ever since quarantine, I’ve barely gone to fast food places and I wouldn’t dare go inside a restaurant right now. I’ve been cooking a lot, but it’s not always the healthiest meals or the best portions. It’s my number one struggle, which is why it deserved my number one spot on the list.
2. My struggles with drinking water.
It seems crazy when you read it, but it’s a real struggle. You may have seen often on some of my monthly goal posts where I’ve made it a goal to drink one gallon everyday. That has been a goal I have failed time and time again. Why is it so hard to get a proper water intake? A lot of times for me, I only drink when I’m extremely thirsty, which is a terrible way to go. I can say that I don’t drink soda or juice as much as I used to, but it’s the amount of water that is a constant problem.
3. Working out isn’t working out.
If I could put my relationship status on Facebook between me and working out, that status would say “complicated”. Indeed it is VERY complicated. I’ve had my ups and I’ve certainly had my downs. I think my main struggle right now is just getting myself to do the action. In the past I’ve bought things in hopes that they will get me motivated. Instead, I’ve been left with protein powder that’s just sitting, pre-workout that has gotten hard, workout clothes and items collecting dust, and a whole bunch of despair. I have a playlist with workouts that just keep getting growing…and growing. I’m not going to give up, but it is hard to not get frustrated with myself.
4. Never getting enough sleep.
Lastly, sleep is vital for your health. Unfortunately, I don’t seem to get a lot of it. This produces a terrible cycle. I’m up late, which then lessens the amount of time I get to sleep. I’m trying to set a solid morning routine and that usually starts off with working out in the morning (I’m sure you know where this is going). If I didn’t get enough sleep the night before, then by the time morning hits, I’m way too drowsy and sleepy to get up. This results into me, not only missing my workout window, but turning off every single alarm until the very last one gets me up. The overall end result involves a very grumpy Deandra who’s disappointed in herself already and the day just started. This also results into me barely being halfway through the day but needing a nap. I’m sure you can see how this cycles back around from here.
I want it to be clear that this isn’t a body hate or shame post at all. This is me posting my own personal struggles with my weight. Yes, I have my insecurities, but I could be my “ideal” weight and still have those insecurities. It’s about my overall health and happiness , and I can tell you right now that both are a huge issue.
Also please note, I don’t need any Google doctors on this post. People have got to stop that. Someone else’s body is none of your business and that goes for many different aspects. There could be another woman who is my size or bigger that loves her size and is happy and that’s amazing! The plus size community never asked for anybody’s opinion.
It’s motivational Monday, and today’s motivational point is that you’re not alone in this fitness journey. It’s also motivation for you guys and myself to love yourselves through each step of the journey, through all the ups and the downs.