We have been in quarantine for about six months, if I’m not mistaken, and I’ve probably watched more Youtube videos in a week than people watch in a month. I noticed a slight trend in some of those videos whenever there’s a woman Youtuber talking about clothes in her video…her quarantine weight. I always hear “I got it in this size because I gained a little weight during quarantine.” It made me think a bit about weight and my struggles with it.
But, that’s not the only thing that made me think. I’ve always struggled with my weight, as many women have, and I’ve been trying yet again to work on losing it. Sad to say, I am also failing yet again. I wanted to be honest with you guys and give my own personal reasons for why I fail at losing weight.
1. My relationship with food.
I have a terrible relationship with food. I will never say I have an eating disorder unless diagnosed, but I do have a bad relationship with it. I’ve been eating fast food and sweets ever since I was young. My problem as an adult mostly binging, cooking proper portions, and figuring out what exactly is good to eat and what is just health food in disguise. Ever since quarantine, I’ve barely gone to fast food places and I wouldn’t dare go inside a restaurant right now. I’ve been cooking a lot, but it’s not always the healthiest meals or the best portions. It’s my number one struggle, which is why it deserved my number one spot on the list.
2. My struggles with drinking water.
It seems crazy when you read it, but it’s a real struggle. You may have seen often on some of my monthly goal posts where I’ve made it a goal to drink one gallon everyday. That has been a goal I have failed time and time again. Why is it so hard to get a proper water intake? A lot of times for me, I only drink when I’m extremely thirsty, which is a terrible way to go. I can say that I don’t drink soda or juice as much as I used to, but it’s the amount of water that is a constant problem.
3. Working out isn’t working out.
If I could put my relationship status on Facebook between me and working out, that status would say “complicated”. Indeed it is VERY complicated. I’ve had my ups and I’ve certainly had my downs. I think my main struggle right now is just getting myself to do the action. In the past I’ve bought things in hopes that they will get me motivated. Instead, I’ve been left with protein powder that’s just sitting, pre-workout that has gotten hard, workout clothes and items collecting dust, and a whole bunch of despair. I have a playlist with workouts that just keep getting growing…and growing. I’m not going to give up, but it is hard to not get frustrated with myself.
4. Never getting enough sleep.
Lastly, sleep is vital for your health. Unfortunately, I don’t seem to get a lot of it. This produces a terrible cycle. I’m up late, which then lessens the amount of time I get to sleep. I’m trying to set a solid morning routine and that usually starts off with working out in the morning (I’m sure you know where this is going). If I didn’t get enough sleep the night before, then by the time morning hits, I’m way too drowsy and sleepy to get up. This results into me, not only missing my workout window, but turning off every single alarm until the very last one gets me up. The overall end result involves a very grumpy Deandra who’s disappointed in herself already and the day just started. This also results into me barely being halfway through the day but needing a nap. I’m sure you can see how this cycles back around from here.
I want it to be clear that this isn’t a body hate or shame post at all. This is me posting my own personal struggles with my weight. Yes, I have my insecurities, but I could be my “ideal” weight and still have those insecurities. It’s about my overall health and happiness , and I can tell you right now that both are a huge issue.
Also please note, I don’t need any Google doctors on this post. People have got to stop that. Someone else’s body is none of your business and that goes for many different aspects. There could be another woman who is my size or bigger that loves her size and is happy and that’s amazing! The plus size community never asked for anybody’s opinion.
It’s motivational Monday, and today’s motivational point is that you’re not alone in this fitness journey. It’s also motivation for you guys and myself to love yourselves through each step of the journey, through all the ups and the downs.
Thank you for being so honest about your struggles. I’ve struggled with my weight in the past (well, actually I just wanted to conform to ridiculous beauty standards), but I’ve found that doing karate has helped a lot. I’ve been doing it for about five years (black belt now) and it’s great because it doesn’t matter how I look, it’s about how I feel – and I feel like a badass. I also slowly started eating more healthy and drinking more water so that I can train more effectively.
All the best from South Africa, Michelle (michellesclutterbox.com)
Wow, that is so amazing to hear! My cousin was doing muay thai and it looked so cool. You should feel like a badass because you are absolutely a badass! I love how everything just slowly starts coming together on it’s own when you just do something you enjoy. Thank you so much for reading and sharing! ♥
Oh gosh if you’re relationship with working out is complicated, mine’s the same with drinking water! One day I’ll be really careful to make sure I drink enough, and then the next I wonder if I’ve had any water. It’s so hard when you know you’re caught in the circle of late nights etc, isn’t it? Great post!
I’m the same way! I’ll do so well one day and then suddenly the next I realize I’ve only maybe had like 2 or 3 little cups. It’s so crazy. I’m glad you enjoyed the post! Thanks for reading and commenting ♥
I love your honesty – I think we can all relate with this post. You’re not alone! Something that helped me with mental health and motivation during lockdown was this app called ReWi (it was recommended during the Science of Wellbeing course I did on Coursera). It’s all about making good habits and recording your progress. It might help you too? But at the end of the day, don’t be hard on yourself if you make a mistake or sleep too late – we’re all only human.
I’ve never heard of the app before, I’ll have to check it out and see if it helps. Thank you so much for your tip and kind words. It’s very appreciated ♥
Kiki ♡₊˚༄˳ says
i def can relate to 1 and 3.
i had a super bad relationship with food and my mom would always tell me “you’re putting too much on ur plate” or “again” when i went to eat again lol
my relationship with food became something like “if i can control it then ima eat what i want and if anyone wants to judge me then ill eat more” like i got so mad if anyone made a comment. i ended up wanting to eat more to make them mad and to shut up.
then i would eat in my room and just watch tv :/
working out is the same.. i usually just lift my legs 3 times and say it’s enough.
its tuesday now but i want to be able to motivate myself every monday now. i gotta work out cuz i think it will help my head more.
thanks for this post. its a reminder of my struggles too but as long as we can work on it a bit, we are doing enough!
I hate that you went through that. Living with my grandparents, I sometimes feel like I need to sneak and get food or wait until they’re in bed because sometimes I get comments as well. Whatever day it is, call that your Monday for the week since Monday has passed. If you’re feeling motivated, then I say get it going! Slowly but surely we’ll both get it done. It’s all about accountability and we can help each other if need be ♥
This is such a great and motivational post. Losing weight is never easy and I appreciate you being so honest and open in this post!
It definitely isn’t! Thank you so much for your kind words ♥
I so appreciate your honesty!
I know the struggle is real. I have felt shame and embarrassment because of my weight when I was a child, teen, and young adult.
I am old now(lol …49) and I still don’t have the best habits but I do my best and am finally comfortable in my own skin.
I have found success using Weight Watchers for a time, but no longer use that. As far as exercise, ugh! Not a fan, the only thing I can muster is walking and occasional yoga.
You are smart and beautiful and no matter what size or weight you are, love and appreciate yourself, flaws and all for getting you to where you are today.
I have learned that taking care of myself as a whole has so much more impact.
Body, Mind and Soul. Each area of life overlaps with the other & benefits are real.
Thanks again sharing your story!
You are not old! You’re 49 years young! lol but thank you so much for these sweet and kind words. It really does all overlap and I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been able to learn that and it’s been working for you. Again, thank you so much for these words. You are so kind and beautiful and smart as well and I appreciate your comment ♥
I can relate to all of it and you are definitely more open than I would be. My weight has always fluctuated. I wish there was some sort of online support group where we could regularly share our struggles and be this frank with each other without being made to feel bad because we are just human. We try, we fail and then we hope for a better outcome 🙂
I love that last line. “We try. We fail. We hope for a better outcome.” It really just represents life in general. Working on becoming healthy takes trial and error just like any other thing. I’m sure there are plenty of support groups out there, you just have to search! And if none of them seem to be a space that makes you comfortable, then you should create that safe space! My blog is for sure a safe space and I appreciate you feeling safe enough to comment and share ♥
Thanks for replying and saying that. It made me smile as I find commenting difficult.
Weight loss to me is a saga. A long term event once you start it and non dieters don’t understand that so I would probably form my own and keep out the critics. Limited, so that everyone is heard 🙂
Well, I’m proud of you for doing so! I think that’s a great idea and you should definitely make that happen ♥
You’re such a sweetie. Thanks again and I just created it. I don’t know if people will warm to it but it’s there as as option. I wasn’t really sure how to start but with the holidays fast approaching. I think it is definitely needed. You take care 🙂
I’m sure they will! I think people especially need it during this time because this is when people struggle the most with food. I’m so happy for you for starting it! You take care as well ♥
Omg we are all there seriously! Thank you so much for being honest! Sometimes I found out drinking sparkling flavored (unsweetened) water helped me a lot! I can’t get enough of those! Also, if you can’t do a full work out. Try walking at least 20-30 mins a day. It makes a difference! All small things add up and you are doing great if you make small adjustments every day. Thanks for helping me thinking about my own weight loss journey!
http://DivaLoveLife.com – A blog about relationships
Thanks for the tips! I’m glad my post also helped you think of your own journey. It’s not easy but well worth it! Thanks for reading and commenting ♥