The Grieving Of The Black Woman

I’m not going to pretend like I knew who Nipsey Hussle was before he passed. I had never heard of him, never knew he had music, and didn’t even really know that he was with Lauren London minus maybe a few pics that I’d see around the internet of some of their photoshoots that gave me an idea that might be her boo. However, seeing all these great things surfacing about him and watching his funeral, I can see he was a great man with great plans for his community. It sucks the way he died and may he Rest In Peace.

As I was watching the funeral, I noticed the strength that exuded from Lauren. I know she had times where she wanted to break down and behind those black shades was hidden pain, but she stood strong. Even while reading that text she sent him one night…she read it with strength. Now that Nipsey has been put to rest, I know there is still grieving to be done. This puts me to my thought for today…the grieving of the black woman.

A lot of times us black women tend to have to grieve over our black boys and men. This is in real life and even on TV shows. For ones we may know personally or just ones we feel attached to. There’s this show called Good Trouble that comes on Freeform (formally known as ABC Family). If you’ve seen the Fosters then I’d highly recommend you give that show a try. *SPOILER ALERT* In the show, there’s a storyline where a man by the name of Jamal Thompson was shot in the back by police and pretty much left for dead. Activist Malika in the show is rallying and standing by the mother of the man as if she was his brother or spouse…but she wasn’t. She had no connection with the family and Malika and the mother became close because of the mother seeing Malika and her protests and rallies online. So if there was no true connection, then why does it seem like Malika is grieving and fighting as if there was? Because that’s what black women do even if there was no blood connection.

There’s so much violence that black men deal with ..whether it’s people outside of the community that’s trying to take them down or even inside our own community. It leaves us black women to grieve. But sometimes, grieving for black women looks a little different. Sometimes for us, grieving means fighting. It means staying strong because we feel like we have too. Lauren may be crying behind closed doors and you may not see much sadness besides an Instagram post so that leaves us to say “Wow, she’s so strong!” And yea, that probably is true because it takes strength not to break down when such a great man, husband/boyfriend, father, etc. was killed in the blink of an eye. And I know it took strength for Malika and Sandra (Jamal’s mother) to keep fighting and going to court hearings, rallies, and protests just as it took for women all across America who’s had to protest and fight for all the black men who have been shot and killed.

I feel like a lot of times us black women feel like we have to remain strong which doesn’t leave much time for grieving. Black women are strong as hell, but a lot of times some of us that truly aren’t that strong only put on the facade of strength just to prove we are as strong as black women are “supposed” to be. But it’s ok to not be that strong black woman. Sometimes showing weakness can be the strongest thing you can do.

sandra's pain sandra rally

I’ll make one more note before I end (because I know you all are probably thinking this post is long as hell). Look at these two pictures above. Both are of the character Sandra Thompson in Good Trouble. The left picture is of her when she had her break down moment in front of Malika. The right picture is of her before or after a court hearing with all the protesters and cameras around. What’s the difference? One is a weak moment and the other isn’t? Nope. Both pictures are showing a strong black woman who is grieving the loss of her son. So black women, take your time to really grieve. Stand up and fight, but also cry when you need to and don’t be afraid to ask for a hand to be by your side.

And to end, I will quote what the strong Lauren London said at Nipsey’s funeral…”The Marathon Continues!”

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